Said

Posted on | March 25, 2012 | 2 Comments

One morning, she woke up and said she’d try to attend a 7am Ashtanga class.

She said she’d walk in the dark. He said he’d walk her there.

When they finally set out, she said there wasn’t enough time to walk. He said he’d find a way to get her there.

As they waited for the streetcar, he said she might have to make an alternate plan.

She said she’d make one if she missed class and that there was no point in panicking or worrying.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

The night before, she lay down for a few minutes and got lost in her own thoughts.

She said to herself: I will let go and let life take care of me.

The next morning, she put her words into practice.

He said he’d help her get to class; he did.

And the class? It was incredible.

Category: Life

Painting, interrupted

Posted on | March 15, 2012 | No Comments

Three and a half years ago, I was tired of feeling hurt.

I was tired of obsessing over what I might have done differently to change the outcome of the situation.

In retrospect, I could have been more forgiving of myself. At the time, all I could think about was distracting myself from feeling sad. I just wanted to move forward.

One day, I picked up a paint brush.

When you finish this painting, you will be past this, I told myself.

At first, I didn’t know where to start. Then I didn’t have the technique. It wasn’t coming out the way I had envisioned it in my head. I told myself all the things that I would do as soon as I had gotten over this hurdle. I told myself that I would be free from pain and feelings of abandonment.

I allowed myself to soak every argument, every pain point, and every letter I knew I’d never send.

Every time I felt sadness, I returned to the painting determined to finish it and feel ready to move on. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the painting and eventually I stopped trying.