It’s about a girl who spent twenty something years sedentary and unsure of how to change. It’s about a girl who followed all the supposed rules for progressing through life and wound out feeling detached and disenchanted.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

 It’s about a girl who chose to wake up, step off the conventional path, and take charge of her own story.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

This blog is an exploration of her story through food, exercise, and art.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost

I’m excited to share my stories with you.

xo

Today, I present to you, the first guest post on Fueling for Fitness. Enjoy!

♦♦♦

Tonight was the first night in weeks that I haven’t had dessert. This wasn’t a self conscious decision. I’ve been in bad habits, I haven’t had the usual excuses like being busy with work, or finishing training late.

Nope, it’s mainly because I’ve been lazy. Injury ridden, down on confidence, and ultimately lazy.

Then tonight I remembered the feeling of being engaged with cooking, it feels like you’re taking control of your life again. I was reminded that what food you put into your body directly affects your health, your energies, and suddenly there was no need to desire junk food. After a satisfying home cooked meal I didn’t feel like dessert.

When you crave junk food, start cooking some Sautéed Garlic. I dare you to still crave!

Soup is a great way of keeping up your nutrients, satisfying your tastebuds, and filling up on something substantially smaller than normal meal portions! Soup is your friend. I used to neglect soup as a child, my mum (god bless her) would always water it down too much, and throw in too many conflicting vegetables in there. I loved a lot of what she cooked but soup wasn’t one of her strong points.

In recent years I’ve given soup a 2nd chance, and have discovered that they’re about more than “throwing everything into a pot”. I’ve come to appreciate the punch of flavours and different blends you can create. Tomato soup is my first attempt at learning “How to master soup”. Inspired by a weekend of caring for my sick girlfriend (who still looks beautiful through the whole ordeal).

Ingredients

• 1 x Tablespoon vegetable Oil
• 1 x Onion – diced
• 4 x cloves Garlic – minced
• 6-8 x fresh Tomatoes, largely diced
• 500 mls (17 ounces) liquid Vegetable Stock
• 1 x Tablespoon vegetarian Worcestershire sauce
• 100 mls (3.5 ounces) Tomato Paste
• 1 x Teaspoon Salt
• 1/2 x Cup Parsley
• 1/4 x Cup Rosemary
• 1 x Teaspoon ground black Pepper
• 1 x Tablespoon smoked Paprika

Steps

1) Start with the smell-arousing process of cooking some Garlic captured in the image above. Turn the pot onto about 40%, add Oil, Garlic, and Rosemary. Lovingly stir for 1-2 minutes until slightly browned, mmm.

2) Add the diced Onion into the mix, stirring occasionally for about 5 minutes. Again, until slightly browned.

3)  Now turn pot to low heat (20%) and add in Tomatoes and Stock. I like high quality ingredients, it truly makes a difference…so I prefer liquid stock in all my cooking! This is a controversial topic, I may lose my seat at the UN. A lot of people like stock cubes.

4) Stir like crazy for 10 minutes, and try to get the blend as smooth as possible. If you have one of those blenders that you stick right in the pot even better!

Beautiful colors and aromas

5) Taste how awesome it is. Seriously, tasting is an underestimated step to cooking. Take some time out to taste it along the way (I could be wrong in everything I’ve told you and you’ll never know until the end)

6) Add the remainder of the ingredients, the Parsley, Tomato Paste, Paprika, Black Pepper, and Worcestershire sauce.

Parsley and a big knife

7) Simmer for 30-60 minutes, tasting along the way to see if it’s too strong or too bland (impossible).

Optional Extra

Bread is a great compliment to soup! As an optional extra prepare a pre-made fresh Turkish bread (mine came with red potato and pear already grilled on there, from Ace bakery), and lay some baby spinach, some kind of sharp cheese like pecorino, and fresh parsley. Cook in the oven for 25 minutes on low heat. Mmmmm!

Bread is SO good it should be the main course

Optional Extra Extra

Have some Rittersport chocolate for dessert – damn that stuff is good!

- Mike, the loving boyfriend

I love ginger. I’ve been known to sneak it in everything. I steam my vegetables with it, I blend it in my smoothies, and I always devour the pickled ginger that comes with sushi like it’s my job.

Yes, I’ve been teased a lot for my ginger obsession. I’m comfortable with this.

When I came across Jenna’s Arlette’s Triple Ginger Biscotti recipe, I knew I had to make a batch of my own. I only made a few minor substitutions but I was more than pleased with the end result.

My substitutions:

• 1/2 cup applesauce instead of butter
• 2 1/4 cup oat flour (ground up rolled oats) instead of regular flour
• Baked for almost an hour to get them to crisp up (likely due to the applesauce substitution).

The big question is, why haven’t I made these again since?

I’m also thinking they would be even more delicious bathed in chocolate. Thoughts?

When the door for all weight-bearing exercise was closed to me in October, it took everything I had to stay positive and not let myself harp on what I could no longer do. Some days were easier than others. Most days were harder. I took it one step at a time, and tried my best to be patient. I did yoga. I signed up for swimming lessons. I spent more than my fair share of newly freed up time cooking and baking (and sampling).

I waited. 

Yesterday, I had a follow-up appointment with my sports medicine doctor. After examining me for what felt an eternity, he finally declared that he was happy with what he saw.

In two weeks, I’ll be attempting my first run in over four months. It’s going to be over before it really begins: I’ve been given strict instructions to ease into things slowly for the next couple of months.

Excitement. Relief. Fear. Anxiety. Dread. I don’t know exactly how I feel. But I do know one thing: it’s okay. I’m okay, and it’s about time.

I’m ready to continue growing. I’m ready to continue evolving.

In light of the new year (calendar and lunar – Happy Year of the Dragon!), I’ve decided to take Fueling for Fitness in a new direction.

There will still be food. There will still be stories. Most importantly, there will still be me in every post I write.

(Gorgeous flowers from a gorgeous friend)

Life is an adventure.

I’m looking forward to sharing mine with you all.

The year kicked off with horrible news that never seemed to stop flowing. There was sadness, and there was loss. There were more “worst case scenarios” that directly impacted me and those close to me than I’ve experienced in all of my previous years combined. Confusion, acceptance, and discovery are words I’d use to describe the past twelve months with. Self-awareness and personal growth are the other ones.

I wanted to give 2011 a proper sendoff considering how much of an impact it made on me and as a result, I’ve compiled a list of things (in no particular order) that I learned over the course of the past year. The list is not surprising, but discovering them first hand and experiencing the truth behind them was. By no means is this list definitive or exhaustive; it’s simply a culmination of what I’ve learned up until now.

♦♦♦

1. The world never stops turning, no matter how much you want it to.

Up until March, I was so focused on working through some of my daily personal struggles, that I lost sight of the bigger picture. The sudden and unexpected death of my uncle in May pulled me back into reality and reminded me how short and delicate life really is. The lesson: live, follow your dreams, and never fall prey to regrets and what-ifs because life is too short to live in regret.

2. Listen to, and respect your body. You only get one.

It’s important to slow down. I need(ed) to slow down. My stress fracture took care of that, but I’m hoping the next break I take is completely by choice.

Too often this year, I felt like I was spinning out of control trying to balance all different areas of my life. There’s only so much I can do, and I have to continue reminding myself that considering how stubborn I am. From an emotional standpoint, I felt exhausted and tapped out and that combined with efforts to maintain regular exercise caused me to fall apart.

3. It’s not worth doing it all on your own.

Is it really that important to be able to say at the end of the day that you did something all by yourself? This year, I learned to let people be there for me when things got really tough. My friends pushed me to challenge myself to become a better person. They also lent me their shoulders and ears when I felt overwhelmed and selflessly celebrated my success with me without ulterior motive. I’ve realized being independent doesn’t have to mean operating in a silo.

Having a solid network of friends and family are what makes living in this world worth it. Seriously. I’ve tried my best this year to be a good person and friend to those who matter to me.

4. Never stop trying, and never stop questioning. Everyday.

I am terrified of complacency. I am terrified of standing still for too long if it isn’t good for me. Several years ago, I caught myself settling into the life I thought would be the easiest to lead and wondered why I felt so panicked and unhappy. I tried to take the easy way out for short-term gain and convinced myself that it would all be for the best.

Never.

Ever.

Again.

5. Good—great things happen when you least expect it.

Just when I was feeling stagnant and disenchanted with life, I took a trip in March and snapped out of it. Taking a step out of my daily life routine helped me get me back on track and remind me to start making plans to cross of more items on my life’s to-do list. And somewhere along the way, I realized how gorgeous life is. This year, I’ve met and befriended several people who have quickly become lifelong friends. I live minutes away from some of the best coffee, meat, cheese, and most recently, grocery store. Without realizing or searching for it, my life became even better than it was before and I was in a good place to soak it all in.

6. A regular yoga practice has made me a better person.

My yoga practice has gone far beyond being another mode of exercise. As previously established, it’s very rare that I take a step back from my daily life. Yoga allows me this luxury. When I’m on my mat, everything melts away while I focus on getting through my practice for the day. Not only have I noticed an increase in physical strength, but I’ve also noticed an increase in emotional strength. I’ve become more patient, understanding, and calm. I’m sure those around me will agree that’s a good thing.

7. It’s okay to be unsure.

The older I get, the less I know… and that’s okay. Of course it seems silly to admit it now, but I really thought I’d have it all figured out by this age. Clearly, I’m nowhere close to figuring it all out and it turns out that I’m more confused than ever. Bills, rent, responsibilities. It’s hard not to get bogged down by the little things – and scared of not knowing what should come next. I choose not to get bogged down, even if that means having no idea what to do about it (yet).

8. Forgive yourself for taking risks.

(The day I moved into my first post-student apartment)

I have to stop worrying about how stupid I’ll feel if I fail at what I’ve set out to do. I have to stop beating myself up for daring to dream even after all this time. Previous experience has taught me that amazing things can happen as long as I apply myself and focus. How many times have I “failed” by society’s standards in life? A lot. And I’m going to fail again. I have to remember this. Sometimes the fear of disappointing myself is enough to make me question taking the risk in the first place. The only way to overcome this is to be ready to forgive myself when things don’t work out. But let’s face it – things always work out in the end.

9. Time heals all wounds.

Looking back, I’ve realized that everything that’s happened to me – good or bad –  has shaped me into who I am today. Every closed door really did mean another one opened elsewhere, even if it took a few years for me to see it. This was a really difficult one to learn, and I only really experienced major “breakthroughs” in the last 12 months.

10. It feels really damn good to give.

Nothing feels better than seeing delight on a person’s face when you give something to someone you care about. Don’t worry, I don’t have an endless supply of disposable income either – even something as small as a hug will go a long way.

♦♦♦

And with that, I feel like I’m off to a good start with 2012 – a little older, a little wiser —- and more confused than ever.

Here’s to life and adventure. I can’t wait to see what this year brings!

All the best and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I knew what I had to do.

Armed with my new shiny tart pan (as a general rule, I try to stay away from accumulating too many kitchen tools/gadgets until I settle down into a more permanent home — but I had to bend my own rule for this tart pan!), I scoured the internet for a classic chocolate tart recipe and, after much deliberation, decided to go with Tyler Florence’s Chocolate Tart recipe. Instead of reinventing the wheel, I wanted to concentrate on using high-quality ingredients and technique.

To me, there is something very fascinating about forming a dough to make a crust for a pie (or in this case, a tart).

It wasn’t about finding “healthy substitutions” or short-cuts to arriving at the finished product faster.

It was about mixing flour, butter, sugar, and salt together and mixing everything together with your fingers. No pastry cutter needed.

It was about creating the “well” that I’d read about in many recipes and pouring an egg and water mixture in to form the dough.

It was about saying a little prayer and hoping that the ingredients would come together and form a dough.

When that happened, I wrapped it up and put it in the fridge just like Tyler told me to do.

After 30 minutes were up, I rolled the dough out on a sheet of wax paper, rolled it back onto my rolling pin and carefully laid it out onto my tart pan. It wasn’t perfect, but for a first attempt, it was to me.

My first regret was wishing I had done a better job at documenting my progress. Some people take photographs to document special events like graduations and weddings – I take photographs to document my first from-scratch crust. Priorities, right?

Could you believe that Williams-Sonoma was sold out of pie weights? Dried beans turned out just fine…

It’s kind of funny how giddy I was when I pulled this out of the oven…

The chocolate filling was easy to make. Again, I focused on using high quality ingredients and let them do the rest of the work.

My second regret, was being a little too overzealous when pouring the filling into the tart shell – some of it spilled over the edge. Despite my Type-A personality panicking over the “ruined” tart, I was assured that flavour of the tart was not ruined in the least.

It may have taken a significant chunk out of my Saturday afternoon to put together, but you know what? Baking is therapeutic, and at the end of the day, there’s nothing better than knowing that you were able to share your baking success with a table full of friends.

And, you’d better believe I’ve already used the tart pan again.

I think my previous post already implies how it went. So, the question is, where do I begin? Where do you start writing about an experience that you can barely remember?

Here’s the thing: I’m stubborn.

Usually this character trait propels me forward and helps me go after whatever I’ve set my sight on. Most of the time, this works in my favour. Whenever my mind tells me that I can’t do something, I always try my best to turn that doubt around and try even harder to achieve it. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. I learn a lesson (or two or three), and move on.

I think you know by now where I’m going with this…

I can’t exactly remember when my right groin started acting up, but it was probably at least a one and a half to two months prior to the marathon. I had been experiencing a slew of aches and pains all summer – all of which I had managed to get under control, so when this one crept up, I categorized it along with the other issues and assumed it was something that could be overcome with backing off a little and cross-training. In hindsight, I should have recognized that it was more serious than I thought when what began as a dull pain turned into a stabbing pain in the middle of my last long run during training. The shooting pain forced me to cut my run short at 19k and hobble home. That run left me quite shaken and nervous for Scotiabank, and I spent the entire taper period cross-training and resting.

And marathon day?

I felt pain in my right groin from the minute I crossed the start line. Previous training runs gave me hope that I wouldn’t be as sore once my body warmed up. It never happened. By the time I hit the halfway point, I knew the second half was going to be a big struggle because I was already in quite a bit of pain. By the time I hit the 30k mark, the typical aches and pains that everyone talks about while running a marathon hit me. At 35k, I was fully ready to give up. I focused on trying to keep everything together until I crossed the finish line, but I was miserable and I really just wanted to stop. Whenever I felt myself giving up, I tried to tell myself that I was stronger than I thought and that I just had to keep going for a little longer, that it was only a few more minutes out of the rest of my life until the finish line (understand that I was mentally exhausted and all thoughts were magnified at this point). I don’t even remember turning around the last corner. I don’t remember crossing the finish line… I just remember feeling pain.

(Source)

I don’t remember how the finisher’s medal got around my neck. I don’t remember replying to a volunteer who asked me if I was okay and if I needed to see a medic. I vaguely remember a volunteer opening a heat blanket and wrapping it around me – and feeling grateful for that. I vaguely remember picking up random food at the finish line, despite not wanting to eat any of it.

And then I remember seeing my friends. I remember lots of hugs and kisses and a feeling of relief that it was all over.

(Source: Ariel C)

Last year, when things didn’t go as I had hoped they would in Chicago, I was devastated. I really felt like the entire experience was a big failure and it took me a long time to get over it and see the bigger picture.

Initially, I thought I was going to feel the same way about this year’s experience. But six weeks later, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and readjust my thinking.

I know it was foolish (and stubborn!) of me to run the race injured. I know there are things I could and should have done at the first sign of serious injury (like, not run the marathon…). But what’s done is done, and now I know a little more about how far my body can be pushed.

Last Friday, I went to see a Sports Medicine Doctor after my physio expressed concern that I wasn’t healing at the rate she felt I should be. An x-ray confirmed that I have a stress fracture in my right pelvic area. To be honest, I can’t remember too many details about my stress fracture; I kind of stopped listening after he gave me timeframe estimates for when he expected I’d be back to “normal”. In case you’re curious, it’s looking like it will be another two months at least before I can start running again. He also thinks that I actually had the stress fracture before I ran the marathon. In a way, that would make sense because right now I’d rate my pain level at around a 3 on a 10-point scale — which is how I felt at the start of the marathon. At this point, it doesn’t really matter anymore. Right now, I’m trying to focus on looking forward and giving my body the time it needs to heal properly.

♦♦♦

In summary, six weeks later, I am…

…still unable to run, bike, or do any type of weight-bearing exercise (elliptical, stair master, etc), and I won’t be able to for at least another month (plus another month for running).

….finding solace and release in a daily yoga practice, concentrating on rehabilitating myself and building strength.

…constantly trying to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world if I lose my aerobic fitness in the healing process. I’m also trying to mentally prepare myself for starting at “ground zero” again in a few months time.

…trying to bottle up and remember this feeling in my right groin, so that I can be a wiser the next time a pain like this creeps up.

♦♦♦

There’s no point in writing paragraphs filled with regret or anger at myself for deciding to run the marathon with an injury. I know I’m lucky that I got through it without doing more permanent damage and the doctor positioned his findings as “a healing stress fracture”. I already know that there’s so much to be grateful for and that my life is pretty damn good right now. The fact that I was spoiled rotten the day after distracted me from feeling too sorry for myself. And the pain? It got a little better each week. I know it’ll be a while still before I stop limping, but I’m going to appreciate returning to normalcy even more than ever when I eventually do.

I haven’t made any future running plans because it really all depends on how long it takes for things to heal. Now that it looks like I’ll be out for longer than I hoped, I’m currently spending my time trying to address other items on my life’s “to-do” list. I admit, some days it feels extremely hard to stay positive about the fact that I can’t physically do the things I want to do. But if I can force myself to crawl over the finish line with a stress fracture and a screaming right hip, then I can force myself to adopt a grown-up perspective over this entire situation.

“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.”
~Buddha

I know: I owe you an update.

(source)

I wish I could say that I have an extra-long recap draft waiting to be posted.

I wish I could say that I have dozens of delicious recipes to share.

I wish I could say that I have finally made progress on blog posts that I’ve been meaning to write for months.

But I can’t.

I can say that I’ve been spending as little time away from the computer as possible (read: limiting computer face time to hours spent at the office).

I can say that I’ve been experimenting in the kitchen, (simple) cooking and baking with as many Fall flavours as possible – and sharing it. No one’s complained yet.

I can also say that I went and injured myself again. I really put my body through the ringer this time – to the point where I’d gladly take back all of my shin troubles from last year over what I’m working through now.

The treatment?

1. A ban on running, biking, and anything that counts as a “weight-bearing” exercise (this even includes the dreaded elliptical, a previous last resort machine).

2. Exorbitant amounts of cappuccinos.

3. Lots of Jock Yoga (with a little Yin, Ashtanga, and Flow yoga peppered in).

4. Baking. Lots of baking.

Preferably with pumpkin.

Consider this a little, but much needed intermission.

Be back soon.

Today, I’m writing about how I did it.

It’s taken me a full year to really recover from what I now refer to as the Chicago-craziness. I admit it – I hyped everything about the event up. I wanted it to be special so I tied it into my birthday, spent months “promoting” it, and in the end felt embarrassed and devastated for how things turned out. I kept trying to find ways to justify or excuse the outcome of last year’s experience but to be honest, I was inconsolable. I just stopped talking about it because I didn’t want others to hear me complain about it anymore.

The truth is that I wanted to have that fairy tale ending. That “every second of training was sooooo worth it!!!” feeling. But instead?

It took two months for my shins to stop hurting every time I tried to run after Chicago. For a while, I hated running.

It took me another two months to decide if I was even going to run another race of any distance again.

It took me another four months before I even began considering training and attempting another marathon. I did so with great hesitation and trepidation.

It took me one year exactly from 10.10.10 to tell you today that I am giving the marathon another try.

It’s been another long and hot summer. It has been anything but easy. I started training but kept quiet about it because I wanted to give myself an out. I didn’t want to feel accountable for my actions in case I couldn’t keep up with the training. In case I didn’t make it to the start line. The last few weeks of training before the three week taper have been particularly challenging. I’ve had to scale back a lot to rest, recover and make it to race day. Despite all of that, I realized that I had to start pushing away all of the negative self-doubt and start admitting that there was no way I was going to give up halfway through the summer unless I got seriously injured. Hiding behind my choices wasn’t the way to face my fears and really give this whole marathon thing another try.

No more hiding behind the comfort of silence.

Next Sunday, I’m going to attempt marathon #2. This time I’m staying in my city, sleeping in my bed, and walking to the start line from my apartment.

And, I’m terrified.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

So this, my friends, is really what I’ve been up to.

This is how I’ve chosen to own my “failure”. I still don’t know if I can do it, but I’m going to try.

Thank you for reading and if you’re in Canada, Happy Thanksgiving!