Yesterday, I had a bad day. Actually, it was a pretty bad week, overall, but yesterday felt like the worst.
The event that set me off was so random, that I’m almost embarrassed to write about it now. But considering my emotional state, I guess I’m not surprised. Actually, let me backtrack a little. On Thursday, I had agreed to meet some friends for dinner. I had been looking at plane tickets before I left because I’m getting desperate to visit my sister and her family. It has really hit me hard, having her so far away. On the bus ride, I just felt like I was fighting back tears and I wasn’t exactly sure why. I guess I was feeling sorry for myself. And the fact that I was meeting a group of friends post-run (for them) was not something I was sure I was in the mood for. But I also wanted to leave my personal pity party and be social for once. Especially as the purpose was to celebrate one of our friend’s new job. I held it together somewhat throughout the dinner, but I guess I was still feeling off.
The next day (yesterday) after work, I found out that the buses weren’t running on the regular street it does while on my way to try to catch a yoga class. It took me an extra 15 minutes of wandering and asking people on the street to figure out where the temporary new bus stop was. During this time, I was texting Mike in a frenzy, getting more worked up and panicked with each text. He was doing his best to calm me down. I was going to be late doing the one thing I felt like I could do during this injury period, and a misplaced bus route with no notification from the transit system was making it impossible. I kept insisting to Mike that the universe was punishing me somehow. First with this being the third injury of the year (despite taking steps to be careful), then with this latest injury knocking me off my feet for 5 weeks (and still counting), and then with this stupid misplaced bus forcing me to miss my yoga class.
Never mind that I technically could have waited an hour to do a later class. For some reason, it had to be that specific class and nothing else would do. (I’m crazy). By the time I got home, I went straight to the bedroom, crawled under the covers and proceeded to cry. And scream. And just finally let all of my frustration out. Then I texted one of my best friends in Toronto who happened to be available (she’s very busy and we have opposite schedules so it was kind of a miracle that she was there). She basically talked me off a cliff and told me that we were in the middle of Mercury Retrograde and that it might explain the fact that I was acting crazy. I sure hope so, because it really is crazy how the smallest thing set me off so much. Sure, it was a series of events and pent up frustration that drove me to the edge of the cliff, but I said near the end of our call when I was calm and laughing again that the universe must have forced me to miss the class so that I could come home and reconnect with her. In a way, I’d rather believe that version of the story.
Mike came home shortly after we finished chatting and cooked me an extremely delicious meal.
I know there’s lots of good in my life. I know that I have so much to be grateful for and that I’m very good at losing perspective sometimes and wallowing in misery. I know some people can put on a brave face and soldier on. I wish I could be so strong… but I’m not. I’m real, and I’m emotional, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can’t pretend or ‘fake it until I make it’. So yes, I had a horrible day yesterday. I broke down. I cried my eyes out and then I cried some more. And then I dusted off my shoulders and picked myself off the ground. It happens.
It’s okay to have a bad day. It always gets better, eventually.