Today, I’m really thankful.
During a season where my best friend, SAD, likes to rear its ugly head, I have to actively pull myself out of it before I end up too deep in its grip. Each year, I have to try harder to remind myself that life is pretty great and I should be focusing more on those great things I do have in my life.
So about today…
Today is Mike’s last working day in his Toronto office before we leave for Europe next week. I’m still pinching myself. This is really happening. A lot of my friends have commented that I don’t seem excited when they talk to me about it. I think a part of me still doesn’t really believe it is happening. But it is; in less than a week, we won’t even have a home address in Toronto. Wow.
I still remember the chat Mike and I had a few years back that started everything. It started off with me telling him about my Spain trip, and I ended my trip synopsis with:
“….and, moving abroad to Europe is something I’ve always wanted to do.”
I paused and thought carefully about how I was going to word my next sentence:
“I… mean I still want to do it. I’ve actually talked to my boss about it and we are probably going to transfer me to the London office next year. I don’t know if this is something you’d ever consider doing since you just moved to Toronto, but…”
Mike looked me straight in the eyes and told me that he had already lived in Europe before and always intended on going back.
“If you don’t mind waiting for a good time for both of us to go, I promise I’ll make this trip happen for you. I want to go, too.”
Over the years, I learned to fear promises of any kind (except the ones I make to myself). I learned to fear holding onto them and trusting that they couldn’t be broken. Because so often, they were. And, it HURT when they did. I learned not to rely on anyone because it only led to disappointment. So when I heard his promise, a part of me didn’t really believe him. I wasn’t interested in taking a chance and being disappointed in the end. My little broken heart couldn’t take it.
But, I had also learned how difficult it was to find connections as strong as the one I had with Mike. A man I was undeniably falling hard for was sitting across from me and promising me that he would help make my travel dream come true. The catch was that it wouldn’t be within the timeframe that I had set in my head. It was a big catch; it felt like he was asking me to give up a lot.
Three years passed. Three. My original time frame to move was 6-8 months. Each year that passed, I felt my dream slip farther and farther away. I made other plans to distract myself, I tried to convince myself that it was a silly old childish dream anyway. But, Mike never let me give up on it fully. He helped us stay on track. In other words, we sacrificed having a “comfortable” life, lots of disposable income, a honeymoon when we got married, and we spent countless months living from pay cheque to pay cheque just to make ends meet (and keep our “potential” dream alive).
So about today.
Today is Mike’s last day in his Toronto office (until May).
I can’t believe we’re finally here, and I’m so thankful that everything turned out in the way that it has.
Thank you, Mike.
Also, my SAD can suck it today.